Taylor, Taylors Revenge

sigs A3-A3v

To Any that can Read.

BE thou either Freind or Foe or indiferent, all's one, Read, Laugh, like or dislike, all the care is taken: The cheifest cause why I wrote this, was on set purpose to please my selfe. Yet to shew thee the meaning of this little Building, Imagin this Epistle to be the doore, and if thou please come in and see what stuffe the whole Frame is made off. Be it therefore knowne vnto all men, that I, Iohn Taylor Waterman, did agree with William Fennor, (who Arrogantly and falsely entitles himselfe the Kings Maiesties Riming Poet) to Answere me at a triall off Wit, on the seauenth of October last 1614 on the Hope stage on the Bank-side, and the said Fennor receiued of me ten shillings in earnest of his comming to meete me, whereupon I caused 1000 bills to be Printed, and deuulg'd my name 1000 wayes and more, giuing my Freinds and diuers of my acquaintance notice of this Bear-garden banquet of daintie Conceits, and when the day came that the Play should haue been performed, the house being fill'd with | a great Audience, who had all spent their moneyes extraordinarily: then this Companion for an Asse, Ran away & left mee for a Foole, amongst thousands of critticall Censurers: where I was ill thought of by my freinds, scorned by my foes, and in conclusion, in a greater puzzell then the blinde Beare in the midst of all her whip broath; Besides the some of twenty poundes in money, I lost my Reputation amongst many, and gaind disgrace in stead of my better expectations. In Reuenge of which wrongs done vnto me by the said Ryming Rascal, I haue written this Inuectiue against him, cheifly because the ill looking Hound doth not confesse he hath iniur'd me, nor hath not so much honesty as to bring or send me my money that he tooke for earnest of me: but on the contrary part, he Railes and Abuses mee with his callumnious tongue, and scandalizeth me in all Companies where he heares me nominated. But in a word, Reader, when thou hast read this that followes, I thinke thou wilt Iudge me cleare of the many false Imputations that are laid vpon me. So I leaue thee to thy Considerations, and I proceed to my Exclamations.

Thine as thou art mine,

IOHN TAYLOR.

sigs A5–6 (To William Fennor)

So that when as the pur-blinde worlde shall see
How vildley thou hast playd the Rogue with mee,
They shall perceiue I wrong'd them not for pelfe
And thou shalt (like a Rascall) hang thy selfe.
What damned Villaine would forsweare & sweare
As thou didst, 'gainst my Challenge to appeare,
To Answer me at Hope, vpon the stage
And thereupon my word I did ingage,
And to the world did publish printed Bills
With promise that we both would shew our skills.
And then your Rogue-ship durst not shew your face
But Ran away, and left me in disgrace.
To thee, ten shillings I for earnest gaue
To binde thee, that thou shouldst not play the Knaue.
Curr, hadst thou no mans Creddit to betray
But mine, or couldst thou finde no other way,
To Shark, or Shift, or Cony-catch for money
But to make me thy Asse, thy Foole, thy Coney? |
Could not thy Squire and thee, (a brace of Varlots)
Rimde, Foold, & Pip'd, mongst pocky Whoores & Harlots
For two-pence in some drunken Bawdy-booth
To please thy Doxy-dells sweet stinking tooth,
Whereas thou mightst (as thou hast often done)
Some scrapps and broken beere, for wages wone,
Which to maintaine thy state had been some meanes
Amongst thy fellowes, Rascalls, Rogues, & Queanes.
Thou scuruie squint-eyd brazen-fac'd Baboon
Thou dam'd Stiggmaticall fowle Pantaloone,
Thou Tauerne, Alehouse Whoorehouse, Gig of time
That for a Groate wilt Amongst Tinkers Rime.
Ile hale from Hell Grim visag'd Nemesis
Whom I will Scull or'e siluer Thamesis,
Which to & fro, shall still torment and towze thee
And none but Runagates (like thee) shall howze thee.
Thine owne tongue (trumpet like) each where proclaimes
Thy selfe a seruant to my Soueraign Iames,
When as thy seruice to the King is such
As Atheists vnto God, and scarce so much. |
It may bee (Graceles) thou hast Graced bin
And in the Presence didst Admittance win,
Where some stolne Rimes, and some things of thine owne,
To please the eares of Greatnes thou hast showne.
Which (at the first hath wonne thee some Applawse,
Although perhaps not worth 3 barly strawes,)
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sigs A8–B3

...

No, t'was thy Coward heart, ful fraught with feare
T'was nothing else that made thee not appeare, |
Hadst thou the Conquest got, I had not car'd,
So thou vnto thy word hadst had regard,
Then sure the Players had not playd a play,
But thou or I had borne away the day.
And now to giue the world a little tast
Of the strange brunts and puzzells that I past,
I will not write a word shall be vntrue
That men may know, thou vs'd me like a Iew,
And that I doe not Raile on the so sore
But that my wrongs doth vrge me to doe more.
The house was filld with Newters, Foes, & Freinds
And eu'ry one their money frankly spends,
But when I saw the day away did fade
And thy look'd-for Apearance was not made,
I then stept out, their angers to appease,
But they all Raging, like tempestuous Seas:
Cry'd out their expectations were defeated
And how they all were Conycatch'd & Cheated,
Some laught, some swore, some star'd & stamp'd and curst
And in confused humors all out burst
| I (as I could) did stand the desp'rat shock,
And bid the brunt of many dang'rous knock.
For now the stinkards, in their Irefull wraths
Bepelted me with Lome, with Stones, and Laths,
One madly fits like bottle-Ale, and hisses,
Another throwes a stone, and cause he misses
He yawnes and baules, and cryes Away, Away:
Another cryes out, Iohn begin the Play,
I thinke this Babell of confused Action
Would sure haue made thee stinke with feares distraction,
One sweares and storms, another laughs & smiles,
Another madly would pluck off the tiles.
Some Runs to the doore to get againe their Coyne
And some doe shift and some againe purloine,
One valiantly stept out vpon the Stage
And would teare downe the Hangings in his rage.
(God graunt he may haue hanging at his end
That with me for the hangings did contend,)
Such clapping, hissing, swearing, stamping, smiling,
Applauding, scorning, liking, and Reuiling, |
Did more torment me then a Purgatorie,
Yet I (in scorne of windie pomp stage glory)
Did stand it out, vnconquer'd, vnsubdude,
Despight the Hydra-headed multitude.
Now Goodman dog, a halter catch your muzzell,
Your not Apperance brought me in this puzzell,
But I (to giue the Audience some content)
Began to Act what I before had ment:
And first I playd A maundering Roguish creature
(a part thou couldst haue Acted well by nature)
Which act did passe, and please, and fild their Iawes
With wrinkled laughter, and with good Aplawse.
Then came the Players, and they play'd an Act
Which greatly from my Action did detract.
For tis not possible for any one
To play against a Company alone,
And such a Company (Ile boldlie say)
That better (nor the like) e're playd a Play.
In breife, the Play my Action did Eclips
And in a manner seald vp both my lipps. |
Suppose it were a black Cimmerian night
And that some 12 or 16 Torches light
Should make night seeme an Artificiall day,
And then suppose these torches past away,
Whilst dismall darknes straight resumes the place,
Then after all comes in with Glimm'ring pace
A silly Taper. How would that alone
Shew when the flaming torches all were gone?
Eu'n so seem'd I, amidst the Guarded troope
Of Gold-lac'd Actors, yet all could not droope
My fixed minde, for where true Courage rootes:
The Prouerb sayes, once ouer shoes, or e bootes.
T'were easier to subdue wilde Beares or Bores,
Or rowe to High-gate with a paire of Oares,
Or to make thee an vpright honest man
(Which sure God will not, nor the Deuill can)
T'were lesser labor to blow downe Paules-steeple
Then to Appease, or please the raging people.
The Play made me as sweet in their opinions
As Tripes well fry'd in Tarr, or Egges with Onions. |
I, like a Beare vnto the stake was tide,
And what they said, or did, I must abide.
A pox vpon him for a Rogue sayes one
And with that word he throwes at me a stone,
A second my estate doth seeme to pitty,
And saies my Action's good, my speeches witty.
A third doth screw his chaps awry, and mew,
His selfe conceited wisdome so to shew.
Thus doth the Third, the Fourth, the Fift and Six
Most Galliemawfrey-like their humors mix.
Such Motley, Medley, Linsey-Woolsey speeches
Would sure haue made thee vilifie thy breeches.
What I endur'd, vpon that earthly hell
My tongue or pen cannot discribe it well.
And rather then Ile doe the like once more
I would be married to an Arrant Whore.
And thats a Plague, I could wish well to thee
For it would worser then a Hanging be.
And let me say my best in my excuse,
The Audience all were wrong'd with great abuse, |
Great cause they had to take it in offence,
To come from their Affaires with such expence
By Land and Water, and then at the Play
So extraordinarily to pay,
And when the thing should bee which they expected
Then nothing to their likings was effected.
Their mirth to Madnes, liking turnd to Loathing
For when all came to all, all came to nothing.
Thus hast thou had a little slender taste
Of my designes, and how I was disgrac'd,
For which I am beholding to you Sir,
For had you come, there had beene no such stir,
Not cause the people long'd thy selfe to see
But that they look'd thou shouldst disgraced bee.
To see vs two the people did repaire,
And not to see or heare, or Play or Player.
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sigs B4 verso-5

...

That day thou shouldst haue met me on the Stage
Thou wentst three wayes at once on pilgrimage,
Thou sent'st me word tho' wast sent for to the Court,
Thy wife said, thou with speed must make resort
To fetch her portion out of Warwick-shire,
And the day after t'was my chance to heare,
How thou for begging of a Fellons pardon
Wast Rid downe into Kent to fetch thy Guerdon. |
So that the Portion that thou wentst to fet
Thou from the Gallowes (thy best freind) didst get.
But though thou rob the Gallowes of his fee,
It will (at last) for principall catch thee.
Where (for thou Guld'st me at the Hope) I hope
Thou wilt conclude thy Rogu'ry in a Rope,
Three Trees, two Rampant, and the other Crossant,
One halter Pendant, and a ladder Passant,
In a feild Azure, (clouded like the Skye)
Because 'twixt Earth and Ayre I hope thou'lt dye.
These Armes for thee, my Muse hath Heralldiz'd,
And to exalt thee, them shee hath deuisd.
Then when thou bidst the world thy last good-night
Squint vpward, and cry Gallowes claime thy right.
To whose protection, thy Estate I tender,
And all thy Rights and Titles I surrender,
Thy Carkas and thy Manners (that are euill)
To Tyburne, Hangman, and (thy sire) the Deuill.
Thine as thou hast de-
seru'd, Iohn Taylor.